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Jeannie Ewing's avatar

Jeannine,

I cannot tell you how prophetic your message was for where I am right now in my creative journey. Thank you is a trifling way to let you know that I felt I was drinking from a fount of generosity and kindness when I read it.

You see, I have been so mired in doubt and discouragement, because I have worked so very hard these last five years to grow as a writer (and as a person). I've taken myriad courses and workshops on aspects of craft and skill but also on understanding the marketing piece and preparing a query and book proposal. I have hired consultants and independent editors to go through my work line by line. I have incorporated their feedback. And still...nothing. No break in to the mainstream industry. At all.

People tell me to read the literary magazines I want to be published in. That's just the problem: there are far too may from which to choose, and I don't generally read periodicals. I read BOOKS. I devour long-form writing, not usually shorter pieces. But when I DO read what pieces have won literary awards and contests, I am further discouraged, because most of the time, the quality of my writing is (what I would say, hopefully not arrogantly) about on par with what is being published.

I can tell myself I am a good writer. I can continue showing up every day (and I do) to sketch an early draft, revise a piece I'm developing, or schedule an essay to be published on my Substack, but it doesn't seem to make much of a difference. It matters a great deal to me if what I'm working on doesn't land or isn't received. It's like Madeleine L'engle wrote about the need for our work to be published: it means the "vision has been communicated." Exactly.

I feel like my vision has fallen short or flat, and I can't figure out what I have done wrong.

I am telling you this, because your post today spoke into this wound of mine--the wound of rejection and inadequacy--and I needed it. I needed to be reminded of why I write, what I am passionate about sharing, and I guess just...keep doing it? The thing is, I'm not sure how sustainable it is for me to keep writing without ANY sort of financial compensation before I need to seriously consider getting a different (paying) job.

Maybe it's all exacerbated by the fact that I used to have a nice, cushy income as a freelance writer and public speaker before I walked away from the religious writing I was doing. Going from that to nothing is harder than never knowing what it could be like.

Sorry this was so long.

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Lin Salisbury's avatar

Jeannine … I love this. Thank you for being such a bright light. I feel so fortunate to have found WITD and you. Though I am not always able to plug in 100%right now … I’m learning so much from you.

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