🧵 Thursday Thread: What's The Deal With Birthdays?

Tell me about birthdays (traditions, fears, highs, lows), yours, and I will tell you mine

Hi, friends!!

Yesterday was my birthday—thank you for the love!

And I have just started reading your I Am From poems in response to my own yesterday and I love them so much. It makes me want to do a whole collection of these, honestly. Like a chapbook or something. I just need 24 more hours in every day, or a few partners.

Something to think on.

Meanwhile, a few things before I launch into this week’s thread on all things birthday—things like my book event with Maggie Smith last Saturday and our upcoming pleasure intensive (starts next Wednesday!).

First, the book event. I had the opportunity to converse with Maggie Smith last weekend—about all things writing—to a sold out crowd at The Loft Literary Center in Minneapolis as part of Maggie’s book launch tour for Dear Writer. I was excited for the conversation because so much of what Maggie writes about in Dear Writer reflects principles of writing I hold near and dear.

Of all the things we discussed, the topic of attention felt most urgent. It also seemed to me it was met with great interest and engagement by the people attending.

If you are new to Writing in the Dark (welcome!), you can get a great foothold on the matter of attention—or, maybe I should say, the magic of attention—in a writer’s life here.

Second, the pleasure intensive. It’s so weirdly consistent that every single time we start really giving our attention to something, it grows all around us. This has already been true for me with pleasure. Just thinking about, talking about, and planning for the work of our Writing Toward Pleasure intensive has brought pleasure out of the woodwork, so to speak.

The most recent example being how just yesterday, WITDer Jeannie Ewing told me that the first chapter of Mothers and Other Fictional Characters by Nicole Graev Lipson explores the topic of pleasure! I just bumped that book to the top of my reading list (a crowded summit, let me tell you).

I honestly cannot wait to spend the next six weeks immersed in the question of pleasure, its place in our lives and in our writing, and how to grow it meaningfully from both a practical and a craft perspective. I can’t wait to write with you, and if you aren’t a paid member, you can upgrade here.

Now, let’s talk birthdays. Love ‘em, hate ‘em, ambivalent? Parties, gifts, fancy dinners, nothing much? Birthdays of the past, good and bad? Traditions you’ve kept, traditions you’ve changed? Thoughts on growing old(er) in general?

I love this question and topic because, while it seems slender on the surface, it actually goes deep very quickly, as does anything related to the passage of time and, ultimately, the finite nature of our lives here with each other.

I talked about birthdays in my Oldster Questionnaire last year with the fabulous Sari Botton (it’s so great that she includes the birthday question on that questionnaire!). I think it was my shortest answer in an interview that ranged from the intensity and power of female friendship to the experience of being practically a virgin despite having three children to the magic of fiber for women in menopause to the joys, degradations, and mysteries of aging in general. But here’s what I said about birthdays:

To which I would add that this is exactly what I did yesterday except that Jon got a (perfect) GF cake from French Meadow, which is one of the best bakeries for GF cakes in the Twin Cities.

The truth is that as a kid, I dreaded my birthday, which was typically a sad, quiet, and disappointing day. Here’s one example, from The Part That Burns:

I’m sad to say there were worse birthdays in store for me in the years following that one, but not many. And I’m happy to say I haven’t had such a sad birthday for a long, long, long, long time. Birthdays in our house are simple, but full of love, which is how I like it. I want to remember who I am, where I am, where I am going, and I want to remember the people I love and the people who love me. I want to be grateful for another year, another chance to make my life wild and precious.

So. What about you? Again, as a jumping off point:

Love birthdays, hate birthdays, ambivalent?

Parties, gifts, fancy dinners, nothing much?

Birthdays of the past, good and bad?

Traditions you’ve kept, traditions you’ve changed?

Thoughts on growing old(er) in general?

Love,

Jeannine

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