Just signed up for Dirty, Messy yesterday!! Can't wait :)
On seeing the world now, after having been here for nearly a year, my eyes (inner and outer) see so much more than before. I notice expressions and body language and movement differently, I see the story in not only others, but in "ordinary" objects. The creative spark feels fully lit and because of you and everyone here I feel more alive than I ever have. I liken it to when I was discovering about our brains in my neuropsychology and evolution classes at ASU, my mind kept exploding with every new thing I learned...and that's how it feels here too! Bursting with colors and words :)
There is such important thinking here, Jeannine. I have hours worth of video and pictures that I had hoped to use to tell a visually based story. To date, I've used only a small fraction of that time and effort to tell even the slightest hint of a story. One of the first things I remember you telling me was that the difference between visual art (video) and writing is that writing has the superpower of interiority. So true, I look back in my video archives and I realize I lost the "why" I took the images in the first place. The reason for being in the moment, the interiority, is lost. The skill I'm trying to hone of presenting a concrete, seen detail, through writing in order to reveal the unseen. is definitely where the fun and the challenge is at. Thank you for this, Jeannine.
Oh my gosh yes, you are hitting on something so central about a lost image. It's the inner eye that GIVES an image interiority, even if we offer NO overt reflection about it on the page!
I love this, Jeannine! I work within critical disability studies and have a few blind colleagues who have taught me much about "seeing," or knowing, by de-centering sight. One of my dear friends, Devon Healey, in her teaching often says something to the effect of "I wish you a little bit of blindness in your life," which perhaps gets at something slightly different (but related) to what you are saying in this post. Sighted people can learn much and enrich their lives by taking the time to explore an understanding of the world from different perceptual experiences. (Here is a link to little blurb about Devon: https://www.intellectbooks.com/devon-healey). I'm interested in further exploring how I can take this into my writing!
Great post, Jeannine. I always point out to my students of a hardest things to remember as a writer is that we may be seeing the images as we write, but we may not be putting it on the page. Your shimmer and shards exercise is a really a great way of building that language muscle, but also love the idea of accessing the inner eye.Seeing beyond seeing.
Signed up for Memoir writing workshop... good timing
I have to see more. I know from reading my past writings there is absence of detail “with sense and feeling in the mind.” But the more I practice with your prompts and teachings I will get better, and I'm enjoying the journey to that place.
Visual memories help with conquering up feelings and senses, like when you are out in nature or with an interesting person who touched you in someway, or imagining a scene from your bed by making up the scene and going deep within yourself as though you are there, feeling and sensing what its like to be there. I do this often when I'm drifting off to sleep. I imagine a scene I would like to experience or rewrite, and make up the scene in my head, acting out in the scene... I have a wild imagination! But of course I loose it when I eventually drift off to sleep. But with practice I have found I reenter the scene again the next night... I haven't yet written these scenes down as they are made up, but if I was writing fiction, I probably would do.
Jane, this is so interesting, because Rosenfeld goes on to say that we want to be able to see our scenes as vividly as we see while dreaming! Robert Olen Butler and John Gardner both also write poignantly about the connection between fiction and dreams. And to that I would add that CNF--especially memoir!-- falls into this very same bucket in regard to the relationship with the idea of "seeing" as vividly as we see a dreamscape. As to the idea of practicing and improving this way of seeing, it is a lifetime process. None of us ever "finish," we just keep traveling the path together. There is not a right way or a destination, just a journey. Hopefully, a more vivid and real and awake one, for this effort. xo
I read somewhere or heard on a podcast , something that we living and making up our own "dream life" as we go along. In that our lives are our dreams and our dreams are our lives. We are all living one continuous dream and reality as we think we see, is just one big dream, our dream!. And we can control this dream (with practice) by have lucid dreams and determining what we want to experience next or make up what we want whilst sleeping and continue this in our day life.
This is radical and extreme I know, but it feels true in some way to me as my dreams seem so real. I just wanna be able to get to the stage of the lucid state and control my dreams and then write out what see, feel and sense in my body.
The body is an important part of this scenario as the body gives us away to transfer what we feel, see and sense in our dreams into our daily dream life!
Jeannine, I signed up for the Dirty, Messy, Alive memoir workshop a few weeks ago but did not know you were one of the presenters. That is very exciting to have another connection with you outside of Substack.
Speaking of seeing with inner vision, have you read Andrew Leland's memoir, The Country of the Blind? It is phenomenal and was nominated for the Pulitzer this year. He is so kind and thoughtful as a writer, yet challenges the reader to change her mind or at least expand it. I was humbled by the privilege of ableism, once again (I think of it from time to time, since I have a daughter with a rare genetic condition). Andrew plumbs so many avenues related to the way we understand people who are blind, and the way we use blindness as a metaphor. Your post today reminded me of his book.
Oh, that's wonderful you're already signed up for the workshop! And I have not read Andrew Leland's memoir but will put it on my list. I hope I didn't step in any pools of misunderstanding of blindness with my post. Trying to think/write about things beyond our experience is always a challenge. But I am a huge fan of Helen Keller and think of her often. Thank you for this comment!
Jeannine, you are, in my experience, always gracious and thoughtful in what you write. Andrew's perspective touches on ways we may not tend to understand language around blindness, but he is as kind as you are. Truly. And his memoir is one of the best I've read in many years. It's a hybrid memoir, since he weaves some disability history and journalistic interviews, which make for a richer reading experience.
“We can easily create long passages of “sensory description” wholly devoid of life, because the images are devoid of truth—fabricated or recited solely with words, without the aid of the inner eye.”
This ☝️ (this lands for me, where I fear I over-compensate sometimes out of fear of too much reflection).
“Because the world is beautiful and broken, like us, and seeing into and through it to the truthful images it contains within will never be painless. But it will always be worth it. This is what we practice at Writing in the Dark. And it does take practice—it is a lifetime practice. And I think, to be honest, this practice is why so many of you have found a home here, in this place that is never easy yet brings you closer up to and inside of the words and the world than you’ve been before.”
And This ☝️
I’ve been thinking about this all morning, before this post dropped. All weekend long I’ve been fighting my internal voice that likes to say things about what “good enough” means; I fight it so that I can recommit myself to writing. I don’t have a Substack, I have no plans to write a book, I have a day job that I love, and it is so easy to listen to the voice (especially after a rejection), so I have to–more regularly than I’d like to admit–revisit my “why.” I have to decide, over and over again, to write, even if I’m struggling to find a reason. Of course, now, when I am struggling I can “hear” Jeannine’s words about writing as a way of living. And I fight my way back. Or, at least, I try to.
Monica, I always love your contributions here, and this especially. I think even for those of us who do "have a Substack, plan to write a book, etc.," the practice of writing as a way of living is profoundly valuable because rejection and disappointment are so rife on this path--now more so than ever, what with the contraction of traditional publishing, the rise of AI, etc. etc. We have to have a deeper, more luminous reason to write than "publication" even if that is one of our aims. That deeper reason keeps all of us going, and going truthfully, no matter the various aims.
Indeed ~ I see now, too, how I created a hierarchy there, which is just part of that "good enough" voice, really. Alas, humaning. Thank you, many times, thank you for this space.
It’s a challenge to be fully immersed in a place and to try and deliver it to your reader unmolested by too much description, too many adjectives, but clear and clean and true. AND to keep reflection to a minimum. Reading all these wonderful writers, participating in their workshops, trying to become better writers, visionaries, truth-tellers is a lot to ask of ourselves. Sometimes I simply have to set myself free to do what I do, how I want to do it, and silence all the other voices.
Write like you write for a bit. I don’t want my expectations of my writing to rise to the level where it drowns my pleasure in the pure act of doing it.
It helps me to kick back and float in a calm pool of (false or not) confidence, believing what my intuition advises, and write like I write. I know how to work so hard on a piece that I cut the beating heart from it. I use other (very trusted) people to help me sculpt a piece. Sometimes it just needs to be messy.
I believe all first drafts need to be messy. The mess is where we find the truth. If we’re not willing to risk making big messes, it’s going to be hard to write anything new. Which is for me the point. I don’t want to focus on “tricks.” I want to focus on creating, which is inherently messy. ❤️
I really appreciate this comment…all the expectations, wanting to rise up to a standard, become better… ✨
And then “Sometimes I simply have to set myself free to do what I do, how I want to do it, and silence all the other voices… I don’t want my expectations of my writing to rise to the level where it drowns my pleasure in the pure act of doing it.” (I fear this is what was happening to me; my critical brain crowded out my creative side)
I also love~ “Float in a calm pool” & “write like I write.”
I too know how to “work so hard on a piece that I cut the beating heart from it.” (I do this when I am to make something sound pretty, but in so doing possibly strip away its essential truth.
I am struggling to get to the page these last few weeks, or perhaps more accurately, stay on it for long enough to push through the angst & frustration.
Also, there have been legitimate time constraints pulling me away.
That said, what you have articulated is something I am experiencing while at the Same Time Very Much Desiring to learn this craft, & get good at it.
I want to reach a skill level where I can sit & recount an experience, a place, a scene in a way that feels as alive & real for my reader as it was for me. I want to get back to a space of surprising myself by what I write & what comes forth.
I see below where Jeannine has replied about all first drafts being messy, and the focus being on the creating; further speaking to a willingness to “make a big mess in order to find the truth.”
Perhaps this is an invitation for intuition after all~to ‘write like we write,’ make a big mess & then mine for truth to shape & shine (but not eviscerate) later? Speaking for just myself, I think I started approaching the page more like a surgeon than an artist. lol
Thank you again for your comments. They inspired some insights for me & Jeannine’s replies further guided & advised. I’m feeling buoyed. ☺️
From what I’ve seen in your comments, you ARE a good writer. You have all the basics in place and the tools you need in your box. It seems to me, once we have these helpers at our disposal, we can cut loose and lei that creativity loose. I always remember the quote about we must know the rules in order to know when to break them. I dont remember who said it. I bet you know that already. I am a pretty terrible visual artist and yet I draw with perspective all wrong. Or stick figures or cartoons. No matter that they aren’t “art.” They loosen me up enough to let the wild child free to crayola the walls with my words and sentences. Dancing to music I like can do the same. Write on, sister.
At my very first painting class my instructor said "you will never only see green again". She was right. As a member of WITD I realize I will never see anything the same again.
Moving from facts based writing to truly creative is my challenge.
I can already see a shift towards what you call interiority, Jeannine, and realise that it's only fear of being seen, being known that has held me back, which is a truth about my life!
As I take courage to let my inner world reveal itself, I find an aliveness in my writing akin to what my private journalling reveals.
I've started tagging my pages with 'poem' or 'WITD response', or such.
Thank you for opening my eyes to the reality of how we create connection with other.
It's there. It just needs lots of uncovering, of me seeing and fine tuning.
Just signed up for Dirty, Messy yesterday!! Can't wait :)
On seeing the world now, after having been here for nearly a year, my eyes (inner and outer) see so much more than before. I notice expressions and body language and movement differently, I see the story in not only others, but in "ordinary" objects. The creative spark feels fully lit and because of you and everyone here I feel more alive than I ever have. I liken it to when I was discovering about our brains in my neuropsychology and evolution classes at ASU, my mind kept exploding with every new thing I learned...and that's how it feels here too! Bursting with colors and words :)
Yay, Mesa, to all of this. It just makes me so happy.
Me too!!
There is such important thinking here, Jeannine. I have hours worth of video and pictures that I had hoped to use to tell a visually based story. To date, I've used only a small fraction of that time and effort to tell even the slightest hint of a story. One of the first things I remember you telling me was that the difference between visual art (video) and writing is that writing has the superpower of interiority. So true, I look back in my video archives and I realize I lost the "why" I took the images in the first place. The reason for being in the moment, the interiority, is lost. The skill I'm trying to hone of presenting a concrete, seen detail, through writing in order to reveal the unseen. is definitely where the fun and the challenge is at. Thank you for this, Jeannine.
Oh my gosh yes, you are hitting on something so central about a lost image. It's the inner eye that GIVES an image interiority, even if we offer NO overt reflection about it on the page!
I love this, Jeannine! I work within critical disability studies and have a few blind colleagues who have taught me much about "seeing," or knowing, by de-centering sight. One of my dear friends, Devon Healey, in her teaching often says something to the effect of "I wish you a little bit of blindness in your life," which perhaps gets at something slightly different (but related) to what you are saying in this post. Sighted people can learn much and enrich their lives by taking the time to explore an understanding of the world from different perceptual experiences. (Here is a link to little blurb about Devon: https://www.intellectbooks.com/devon-healey). I'm interested in further exploring how I can take this into my writing!
Here is another link to a book written by one of my mentors, sociologist Rod Michalko, who has ventured into CNF writing about his experiences of blindness: https://www.amazon.ca/Things-Are-Different-Here-Michalko/dp/1554831881
Thank you for this additional perspective--so valuable--and for the resources! Very much appreciated, Tracey!
I'm always interested in other sociologists who pursue CNF!!!! Thanks for this, Tracey!!!
I actually added “sociologist” as a descriptor for you, Monica! But I think it is probably auto fiction rather than CNF.
Well, though, autofiction and CNF are separated by a line so thin it's sometimes invisible!
You know there are nerds in the room 😊💜
Great post, Jeannine. I always point out to my students of a hardest things to remember as a writer is that we may be seeing the images as we write, but we may not be putting it on the page. Your shimmer and shards exercise is a really a great way of building that language muscle, but also love the idea of accessing the inner eye.Seeing beyond seeing.
Yes, yes, and for me the shimmers/shards exercise is actually connected to developing the inner eye.
Signed up for Memoir writing workshop... good timing
I have to see more. I know from reading my past writings there is absence of detail “with sense and feeling in the mind.” But the more I practice with your prompts and teachings I will get better, and I'm enjoying the journey to that place.
Visual memories help with conquering up feelings and senses, like when you are out in nature or with an interesting person who touched you in someway, or imagining a scene from your bed by making up the scene and going deep within yourself as though you are there, feeling and sensing what its like to be there. I do this often when I'm drifting off to sleep. I imagine a scene I would like to experience or rewrite, and make up the scene in my head, acting out in the scene... I have a wild imagination! But of course I loose it when I eventually drift off to sleep. But with practice I have found I reenter the scene again the next night... I haven't yet written these scenes down as they are made up, but if I was writing fiction, I probably would do.
Jane, this is so interesting, because Rosenfeld goes on to say that we want to be able to see our scenes as vividly as we see while dreaming! Robert Olen Butler and John Gardner both also write poignantly about the connection between fiction and dreams. And to that I would add that CNF--especially memoir!-- falls into this very same bucket in regard to the relationship with the idea of "seeing" as vividly as we see a dreamscape. As to the idea of practicing and improving this way of seeing, it is a lifetime process. None of us ever "finish," we just keep traveling the path together. There is not a right way or a destination, just a journey. Hopefully, a more vivid and real and awake one, for this effort. xo
I read somewhere or heard on a podcast , something that we living and making up our own "dream life" as we go along. In that our lives are our dreams and our dreams are our lives. We are all living one continuous dream and reality as we think we see, is just one big dream, our dream!. And we can control this dream (with practice) by have lucid dreams and determining what we want to experience next or make up what we want whilst sleeping and continue this in our day life.
This is radical and extreme I know, but it feels true in some way to me as my dreams seem so real. I just wanna be able to get to the stage of the lucid state and control my dreams and then write out what see, feel and sense in my body.
The body is an important part of this scenario as the body gives us away to transfer what we feel, see and sense in our dreams into our daily dream life!
Holy wow, Jane, I am literally RIGHT NOW writing the intro to tomorrow's post and it's about dreams, and manifesting them. Wow.
Holly cow indeed Jeannine ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ our minds are in sync. Hope what I wrote will add to the post ❤️
Jeannine, I signed up for the Dirty, Messy, Alive memoir workshop a few weeks ago but did not know you were one of the presenters. That is very exciting to have another connection with you outside of Substack.
Speaking of seeing with inner vision, have you read Andrew Leland's memoir, The Country of the Blind? It is phenomenal and was nominated for the Pulitzer this year. He is so kind and thoughtful as a writer, yet challenges the reader to change her mind or at least expand it. I was humbled by the privilege of ableism, once again (I think of it from time to time, since I have a daughter with a rare genetic condition). Andrew plumbs so many avenues related to the way we understand people who are blind, and the way we use blindness as a metaphor. Your post today reminded me of his book.
Oh, that's wonderful you're already signed up for the workshop! And I have not read Andrew Leland's memoir but will put it on my list. I hope I didn't step in any pools of misunderstanding of blindness with my post. Trying to think/write about things beyond our experience is always a challenge. But I am a huge fan of Helen Keller and think of her often. Thank you for this comment!
Jeannine, you are, in my experience, always gracious and thoughtful in what you write. Andrew's perspective touches on ways we may not tend to understand language around blindness, but he is as kind as you are. Truly. And his memoir is one of the best I've read in many years. It's a hybrid memoir, since he weaves some disability history and journalistic interviews, which make for a richer reading experience.
First, thank you, and second, I am *really* excited to read Andrew's book!
I cannot wait to hear your thoughts, Jeannine!
“We can easily create long passages of “sensory description” wholly devoid of life, because the images are devoid of truth—fabricated or recited solely with words, without the aid of the inner eye.”
This ☝️ (this lands for me, where I fear I over-compensate sometimes out of fear of too much reflection).
“Because the world is beautiful and broken, like us, and seeing into and through it to the truthful images it contains within will never be painless. But it will always be worth it. This is what we practice at Writing in the Dark. And it does take practice—it is a lifetime practice. And I think, to be honest, this practice is why so many of you have found a home here, in this place that is never easy yet brings you closer up to and inside of the words and the world than you’ve been before.”
And This ☝️
I’ve been thinking about this all morning, before this post dropped. All weekend long I’ve been fighting my internal voice that likes to say things about what “good enough” means; I fight it so that I can recommit myself to writing. I don’t have a Substack, I have no plans to write a book, I have a day job that I love, and it is so easy to listen to the voice (especially after a rejection), so I have to–more regularly than I’d like to admit–revisit my “why.” I have to decide, over and over again, to write, even if I’m struggling to find a reason. Of course, now, when I am struggling I can “hear” Jeannine’s words about writing as a way of living. And I fight my way back. Or, at least, I try to.
Monica, I always love your contributions here, and this especially. I think even for those of us who do "have a Substack, plan to write a book, etc.," the practice of writing as a way of living is profoundly valuable because rejection and disappointment are so rife on this path--now more so than ever, what with the contraction of traditional publishing, the rise of AI, etc. etc. We have to have a deeper, more luminous reason to write than "publication" even if that is one of our aims. That deeper reason keeps all of us going, and going truthfully, no matter the various aims.
Indeed ~ I see now, too, how I created a hierarchy there, which is just part of that "good enough" voice, really. Alas, humaning. Thank you, many times, thank you for this space.
❤️ ❤️ ❤️
It’s a challenge to be fully immersed in a place and to try and deliver it to your reader unmolested by too much description, too many adjectives, but clear and clean and true. AND to keep reflection to a minimum. Reading all these wonderful writers, participating in their workshops, trying to become better writers, visionaries, truth-tellers is a lot to ask of ourselves. Sometimes I simply have to set myself free to do what I do, how I want to do it, and silence all the other voices.
Write like you write for a bit. I don’t want my expectations of my writing to rise to the level where it drowns my pleasure in the pure act of doing it.
It helps me to kick back and float in a calm pool of (false or not) confidence, believing what my intuition advises, and write like I write. I know how to work so hard on a piece that I cut the beating heart from it. I use other (very trusted) people to help me sculpt a piece. Sometimes it just needs to be messy.
I believe all first drafts need to be messy. The mess is where we find the truth. If we’re not willing to risk making big messes, it’s going to be hard to write anything new. Which is for me the point. I don’t want to focus on “tricks.” I want to focus on creating, which is inherently messy. ❤️
Thank you for this.😍
“…is a lot to ask of ourselves. Sometimes I simply have to set myself free to do what I do, how I want to do it, and silence all the other voices.”
This 👆🏻 It’s not always easy. But yes, this.
I really appreciate this comment…all the expectations, wanting to rise up to a standard, become better… ✨
And then “Sometimes I simply have to set myself free to do what I do, how I want to do it, and silence all the other voices… I don’t want my expectations of my writing to rise to the level where it drowns my pleasure in the pure act of doing it.” (I fear this is what was happening to me; my critical brain crowded out my creative side)
I also love~ “Float in a calm pool” & “write like I write.”
I too know how to “work so hard on a piece that I cut the beating heart from it.” (I do this when I am to make something sound pretty, but in so doing possibly strip away its essential truth.
I am struggling to get to the page these last few weeks, or perhaps more accurately, stay on it for long enough to push through the angst & frustration.
Also, there have been legitimate time constraints pulling me away.
That said, what you have articulated is something I am experiencing while at the Same Time Very Much Desiring to learn this craft, & get good at it.
I want to reach a skill level where I can sit & recount an experience, a place, a scene in a way that feels as alive & real for my reader as it was for me. I want to get back to a space of surprising myself by what I write & what comes forth.
I see below where Jeannine has replied about all first drafts being messy, and the focus being on the creating; further speaking to a willingness to “make a big mess in order to find the truth.”
Perhaps this is an invitation for intuition after all~to ‘write like we write,’ make a big mess & then mine for truth to shape & shine (but not eviscerate) later? Speaking for just myself, I think I started approaching the page more like a surgeon than an artist. lol
Thank you again for your comments. They inspired some insights for me & Jeannine’s replies further guided & advised. I’m feeling buoyed. ☺️
From what I’ve seen in your comments, you ARE a good writer. You have all the basics in place and the tools you need in your box. It seems to me, once we have these helpers at our disposal, we can cut loose and lei that creativity loose. I always remember the quote about we must know the rules in order to know when to break them. I dont remember who said it. I bet you know that already. I am a pretty terrible visual artist and yet I draw with perspective all wrong. Or stick figures or cartoons. No matter that they aren’t “art.” They loosen me up enough to let the wild child free to crayola the walls with my words and sentences. Dancing to music I like can do the same. Write on, sister.
Awee🥰✨♥️ Eating up all your kindness & wisdom. Dancing to music!!! Yes!!!🤗
I needed this grounding reminder today. Thank you. For all of it.
Thank you all the minutes of all the days, Emily. xo
❤️
At my very first painting class my instructor said "you will never only see green again". She was right. As a member of WITD I realize I will never see anything the same again.
Thank you for this gift Jeannine.
Well that's just beautiful. Thank you, Donna!
Moving from facts based writing to truly creative is my challenge.
I can already see a shift towards what you call interiority, Jeannine, and realise that it's only fear of being seen, being known that has held me back, which is a truth about my life!
As I take courage to let my inner world reveal itself, I find an aliveness in my writing akin to what my private journalling reveals.
I've started tagging my pages with 'poem' or 'WITD response', or such.
Thank you for opening my eyes to the reality of how we create connection with other.
It's there. It just needs lots of uncovering, of me seeing and fine tuning.
Loved this. I have come to think about WITD as learning to listen with my eyes and see with my inner ear.
Sorry -- unrelated! Am looking for info on The School as I believe I'm registered but can't find info for this week.