I’ve been sitting on my couch, feeling moved to write something profound and perfectly worded, but I'll never comment if I wait for that. I just want to say, I loved your essay. Your vulnerability made me feel your emotions, which stirred up my compassion. Vulnerability can dismantle so many judgments. After reading your essay, I don't see how anyone could have judged you. Thank you for sharing so honestly about that season. If you ever have the time, I’d love to hear what edits you would make now.
I could not love this essay more. So FUNNY and raw and real, written with the art that hides art in a voice that sounds like your hilarious, super smart, brave girlfriend.
Dang. Just catching up - way too late on video. Look forward to it.
I totally get that pain/joy/aliveness of the writing and amazing you could capture it raw at the time; it is impossible to go back and feel it the same years later. Moments and scenes come but not the intensity of it all. Like every moment, charged.
That's a lesson, isn't it? To write through the intensity, when it's hard, when it's not pretty at all, writing's ultimate ugly cry. Because at the end, as you say, (but much more poetically), the beginning.
I have a question: weren't you afraid your husband, a boss, your kids (??( would find your writing? So brave, Jeannine. What a spit of pure courage. /when I wrote tanything true hrough my long ago divorce and guilt, I hid it, tucked it between grocery lists, work assignments, under the bed. I think I was even afraid to find it later. Thanks again for the raw bits. Ooooof.
It's telling that you still evoke such deep emotion from a piece written more than two decades ago. It also shows how relevant and timeless such feelings are.
Jeannine, what an experience to read this essay from 22 years ago after reading a little while ago your essay from three days ago, "Howling Under A Smooth Surface."
The personality and the basic voice seem the same to me. Optimism in the face of obstacles and occasional despair. And a core of love for yourself.
What an estimable character you have to teach writers!
Okay. Well since part of this is my story too....falling in love with my son's teacher and leaving my marriage for him - and in the same school! What a time! What stories we share! The children. Yes, the children. Oh, what drama it was! But, I somehow became innocent and invisible and I think Aphrodite watched over me. I decided no one, no one, no one, not even the grandparents were to feel sorry for my children. They had love and resilience. And they would be ok. And they are. And they are fully capable of love now. But it was terrifying, wasn't it? Juries everywhere. I'm so happy to read this. Thank you for the in the trenches version.
I can see the growth in your writing from then to now, and the wonderful thing about that is that the early writing is still good, just in a different way. It's such a wonderful testimonial to the idea that it is OK to share where we are now. That we don't have to wait to get better in our writing to write. I lived a similar story at about the same time, and I was not brave enough to share mine as you did (though I started to try) in large part because I was so afraid I just didn't have the chops to tell it right. And because I was afraid that in telling it wrong, I would make myself more vulnerable than I already was. Wish I'd seen this piece back then! But glad to be able to now. Thank you for sharing it.
I appreciate this so much, Rita. It's true that I am an entirely different (and more skilled) writer now, and so for those reasons alone, it would be written differently. Also, I am a safer writer, more able to tell more truth, and that alone would make it different. I am glad I resisted the urge to edit. I feel protective of this fierce young woman, squeaking out a piece that got her in some trouble (she literally got called to the "principal's office," not surprisingly), but she knew she was writing to save her own life.
She was definitely stronger than she knew but yes, still deserves protecting. And it was so so tough. I still wonder, you know? My now-husband left, of course. There was a lot of turmoil. It's a hard job under the best of circumstances, and these were not the best of circumstances. On the other hand, I learned so much. It's hard to describe how much I learned. Same for my kids--it was hard, and also, there were things they wouldn't want to give back for a different life. Humaning! It is beautiful and hard!
When I was having to make very similar kinds of decisions, my mother asked me what kind of hard I wanted. The most useful question anyone has ever asked me, and I've returned to it again and again! I hope I always choose the kind of hard that comes with beauty attached to it.
Big, big shivers reading this. Wow. What a wise thing to say. Thank you for sharing your mother's wisdom. Thank youuuuuu!! I know that I too will return to this. Yes.
Such an instantly relatable, vulnerable, very human essay, Jeannine! I had images of you with a thought bubble hovering over your head as you created each new caption. Your words underscored what I know is true. Without the trudge through the darkness, light is less vibrant. As always, thanks for sharing your gifts. I’ll get my audio recording to you soon!
Oh how much I can relate to this, in so many ways (14 years ago for me in the messiness). Vulnerable writing is my favorite because of the bravery it induces. And that's what I love so much about WITD, you have a way of giving permission to us, or reminding us that permission is not needed to call forth our bravest pieces.
Forever grateful for this space!
Also, 'She Brings Home the Bacon But Doesn’t Eat it Because She is a Vegetarian and That’s Why She Keeps Losing Weight" made me chuckle. So, thank you for that this morning :)
I know how strong the urge must have been to edit your 22 year old essay...and I'm so glad you resisted. Thank you for sharing. It is beautiful and so full of life and truth. The captions were a brilliant way to paint a picture with words. I'll work on an audio clip and try to email it later today. Thank you for being here and for all you do for all of us.
Thank you for supporting my urge to resist the urge to edit! Thank you! And thank you for the audio clip, I think it came through! I will reply via email when I get back home!
I loved the captioning of your life in this essay. It made me laugh out loud at times, right next to the ache. The light in the darkness. Humor is key. Also, joy and pleasure are forms of resistance.
Absolutely stunning, raw, brave and full of life. Thank you for sharing this with us.
I'll try to send over an audio snippet if I manage later. I have a very sick, teething, velcro baby at the moment and I am a bit in survival mode but I so do want to tell the world how important this community is and how much joining WITD has changed me and my writing for the better!!
Oh I remember those days, with both nostalgia and relief. Don't worry whether you are able to do the testimonial or not! Just thank you for being here and for all that you bring!
I feel for that woman, that family, that writer spilling her truth. I am so glad I can read it from the now and know what has grown from all of that. Amazing how the term “broken family” is misused in our puritanical and judgmental culture. It never gets applied to the true brokenness that happened before.
And hopefully you have an email from me! Coffee breath not included.
I’ve been sitting on my couch, feeling moved to write something profound and perfectly worded, but I'll never comment if I wait for that. I just want to say, I loved your essay. Your vulnerability made me feel your emotions, which stirred up my compassion. Vulnerability can dismantle so many judgments. After reading your essay, I don't see how anyone could have judged you. Thank you for sharing so honestly about that season. If you ever have the time, I’d love to hear what edits you would make now.
I could not love this essay more. So FUNNY and raw and real, written with the art that hides art in a voice that sounds like your hilarious, super smart, brave girlfriend.
Wow, wow, thank you so much, Elizabeth. I took some flak for it back at the time, as you can imagine. But I did not regret it. ....
Dang. Just catching up - way too late on video. Look forward to it.
I totally get that pain/joy/aliveness of the writing and amazing you could capture it raw at the time; it is impossible to go back and feel it the same years later. Moments and scenes come but not the intensity of it all. Like every moment, charged.
That's a lesson, isn't it? To write through the intensity, when it's hard, when it's not pretty at all, writing's ultimate ugly cry. Because at the end, as you say, (but much more poetically), the beginning.
I have a question: weren't you afraid your husband, a boss, your kids (??( would find your writing? So brave, Jeannine. What a spit of pure courage. /when I wrote tanything true hrough my long ago divorce and guilt, I hid it, tucked it between grocery lists, work assignments, under the bed. I think I was even afraid to find it later. Thanks again for the raw bits. Ooooof.
It's telling that you still evoke such deep emotion from a piece written more than two decades ago. It also shows how relevant and timeless such feelings are.
Jeannine, what an experience to read this essay from 22 years ago after reading a little while ago your essay from three days ago, "Howling Under A Smooth Surface."
The personality and the basic voice seem the same to me. Optimism in the face of obstacles and occasional despair. And a core of love for yourself.
What an estimable character you have to teach writers!
Okay. Well since part of this is my story too....falling in love with my son's teacher and leaving my marriage for him - and in the same school! What a time! What stories we share! The children. Yes, the children. Oh, what drama it was! But, I somehow became innocent and invisible and I think Aphrodite watched over me. I decided no one, no one, no one, not even the grandparents were to feel sorry for my children. They had love and resilience. And they would be ok. And they are. And they are fully capable of love now. But it was terrifying, wasn't it? Juries everywhere. I'm so happy to read this. Thank you for the in the trenches version.
Yes. Your story was still a legend when I arrived — here’s to surviving. And thriving. ❤️
I’m so touched by this piece. Beautiful writing.
Practical question: where do I email a testimonial?
Oh my goodness, thank you, and thank you for a testimonial if you send one! You can send to admin@elephantrockwriting.org -- we are grateful!
I can see the growth in your writing from then to now, and the wonderful thing about that is that the early writing is still good, just in a different way. It's such a wonderful testimonial to the idea that it is OK to share where we are now. That we don't have to wait to get better in our writing to write. I lived a similar story at about the same time, and I was not brave enough to share mine as you did (though I started to try) in large part because I was so afraid I just didn't have the chops to tell it right. And because I was afraid that in telling it wrong, I would make myself more vulnerable than I already was. Wish I'd seen this piece back then! But glad to be able to now. Thank you for sharing it.
I appreciate this so much, Rita. It's true that I am an entirely different (and more skilled) writer now, and so for those reasons alone, it would be written differently. Also, I am a safer writer, more able to tell more truth, and that alone would make it different. I am glad I resisted the urge to edit. I feel protective of this fierce young woman, squeaking out a piece that got her in some trouble (she literally got called to the "principal's office," not surprisingly), but she knew she was writing to save her own life.
She deserves protecting--though she clearly was stronger than she might have thought she was. Staying in that school had to have been so tough.
She was definitely stronger than she knew but yes, still deserves protecting. And it was so so tough. I still wonder, you know? My now-husband left, of course. There was a lot of turmoil. It's a hard job under the best of circumstances, and these were not the best of circumstances. On the other hand, I learned so much. It's hard to describe how much I learned. Same for my kids--it was hard, and also, there were things they wouldn't want to give back for a different life. Humaning! It is beautiful and hard!
When I was having to make very similar kinds of decisions, my mother asked me what kind of hard I wanted. The most useful question anyone has ever asked me, and I've returned to it again and again! I hope I always choose the kind of hard that comes with beauty attached to it.
Big, big shivers reading this. Wow. What a wise thing to say. Thank you for sharing your mother's wisdom. Thank youuuuuu!! I know that I too will return to this. Yes.
Such an instantly relatable, vulnerable, very human essay, Jeannine! I had images of you with a thought bubble hovering over your head as you created each new caption. Your words underscored what I know is true. Without the trudge through the darkness, light is less vibrant. As always, thanks for sharing your gifts. I’ll get my audio recording to you soon!
Ah, thank you so much!!! For both this comment and the audio, if it works out to send. Thank youuuuu!
Just sent the audio. Let me know if you have any problems opening.
Oh how much I can relate to this, in so many ways (14 years ago for me in the messiness). Vulnerable writing is my favorite because of the bravery it induces. And that's what I love so much about WITD, you have a way of giving permission to us, or reminding us that permission is not needed to call forth our bravest pieces.
Forever grateful for this space!
Also, 'She Brings Home the Bacon But Doesn’t Eat it Because She is a Vegetarian and That’s Why She Keeps Losing Weight" made me chuckle. So, thank you for that this morning :)
Yes to all of this, Mesa!
Hahaha the bacon bit. I honestly really really wanted to edit that, but I did not let myself. Thank you so much, Mesa!
I'm so glad you didn't edit it!! I love it just the way it is. Also, it gave my brain a little shake and made me see things differently!!
Well, again, thank you. I feel very blessed. xo
I know how strong the urge must have been to edit your 22 year old essay...and I'm so glad you resisted. Thank you for sharing. It is beautiful and so full of life and truth. The captions were a brilliant way to paint a picture with words. I'll work on an audio clip and try to email it later today. Thank you for being here and for all you do for all of us.
Thank you for supporting my urge to resist the urge to edit! Thank you! And thank you for the audio clip, I think it came through! I will reply via email when I get back home!
I loved the captioning of your life in this essay. It made me laugh out loud at times, right next to the ache. The light in the darkness. Humor is key. Also, joy and pleasure are forms of resistance.
"Joy and pleasure are forms of resistance." YES. Also, life-saving, which I suppose is part and parcel. Thank you, Heather!!
Absolutely stunning, raw, brave and full of life. Thank you for sharing this with us.
I'll try to send over an audio snippet if I manage later. I have a very sick, teething, velcro baby at the moment and I am a bit in survival mode but I so do want to tell the world how important this community is and how much joining WITD has changed me and my writing for the better!!
Breathing support into you! Glad you have found WITD during this time!
Oh I remember those days, with both nostalgia and relief. Don't worry whether you are able to do the testimonial or not! Just thank you for being here and for all that you bring!
Oh hang in there. I hope your little one feels better soon.
I feel for that woman, that family, that writer spilling her truth. I am so glad I can read it from the now and know what has grown from all of that. Amazing how the term “broken family” is misused in our puritanical and judgmental culture. It never gets applied to the true brokenness that happened before.
And hopefully you have an email from me! Coffee breath not included.
Emily! Your testimonial--it's so beautiful. Thank you so so much!!!
So glad you got it, and it landed as intended. Just speaking the truth, thanks for the opportunity!
We are so grateful! Thank you, thank you!
Beautiful writing Jeannine. Always an honour to read you.
Thank you so much, Imola. ❤️
Thank you for sharing this moment of your life, 22 years ago. Beautiful human.
Thanks, friend. Love you.