🧵 Thursday Thread | What's Love Got To Do With It?
Let's talk about marriage/long-term commitment. What do you know about it? What helps? What hurts?
I so appreciated your kind, lovely, insightful, and very moving comments in response to my essay on Monday—the one about darkness—where I explored surprising overlaps between writing in the dark—in the way I view “dark” in this context, and marriage. I had marriage on my mind, because my son Max is soon to marry his fiance, Kaela, so our family is in full swing with wedding preparation.
In response to that essay, some of you shared so generously from your own experience, and it gave me the idea that we could probably have a longer conversation about this.
First of all, let me clarify that when I say marriage, I mean to acknowledge all committed relationships, including people who are not married as well as people who are in open committed relationships. This is really about the idea of navigating an intimate, partnered relationship with another adult over the long haul (or, at least, with the intention that it be over the long haul).
You can talk about marriage from any angle you want, including general reflections on and/or memories of your own experiences, whether full of elation or heartbreak.
You might have lessons to share, or regrets, or triumphs.
You might have hopes and wishes.
You might have fears.
Some ideas:
Was there a moment in your marriage when you realized you didn’t fully know your partner—and what did that awaken in you?
What was your most difficult conversation as a couple, and how did it reshape your bond?
Have you ever grieved the version of your marriage you thought you’d have? What replaced it?
What’s a private ritual or phrase you share that no one else would understand—but means everything to you both?
When have you felt most alone within your marriage, and what brought you back to connection?
Or, for the more philosophical among us, some more ideas:
Is marriage a promise between two people, or a vow to the unknown future that both must continually reinterpret?
What does it mean to be “bound” to someone in a world that constantly changes us—and them?
Can love endure without desire, and can desire endure without freedom?
Is there such a thing as a “true self” within a marriage, or are we always co-creating who we are with the other?
Do we marry the person, or do we marry the narrative we share—and what happens when the story changes?
If that last question appeals to you, you might also enjoy my essay on how writing = life from a narrative theory point of view.
Meanwhile, if you’re willing to share your thoughts and ideas, insights and ideas, wisdom and questions when it comes to marriage, please do!
Love,
Jeannine
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